Food: The Struggle is Real

Some of you may have heard that my grandmother took a spill on the ice this past weekend. She dislocated her hip, but thankfully it’s been put back in place and she is doing much better.

With that said, my mother (who normally watches my son), needs to take care of her mommy. I have been able to work half days, and then bring him over to my grandma’s house and tag team with my mom to watch our youngest and eldest family members.

My grandmother’s house is what you expect all grandmother’s houses to be…filled floor to ceiling with junk food. Cookies, chips, muffins, candies, cakes, you name it, Grandma has it.

I have found the only times I can adequately fend off all the junk is when I am low carbing. I understand mentally when I’m in ketosis, that one cheat is enough to completely reset how your body works. Thus, I am not as tempted to cheat. With that said, I know I can’t live low carb. Once I quit, I lose my mind. Every. Single. Time. No matter how much I try to plan to “be good” after reintegrating carbs, I always go overboard and eat all the junk.

I currently live a hybrid of Weight Watchers, South Beach, and just clean eating. I generally avoid carbs, though I don’t omit them all together. I’ll substitute green beans for pasta a lot of times, as well as cauliflower rice instead of grains. With that said, I don’t outright prohibit myself from eating anything.

This is where the struggle of food addiction comes into play. It’s hard for me to have just a little bit, just a taste, just a couple bites. Once I have one, I want all. It’s taken me a long time to come to terms with the fact I do actually have an addiction, and the hardest thing about it is that it’s something I can’t quit cold turkey. (That’s called anorexia…)

In efforts to combat my temptations this week, I’m setting some ground rules. I’m not allowing myself even one chip or cookie…There’s no just eating one chip for me…they are one of my biggest weaknesses. I’ve also stocked the house with healthy alternatives. Instead of sweets, I have strawberries with Splenda. Instead of chips and dip, I have cucumbers with fat free ranch or carrots and hummus. For a crunch, I have some dried chickpeas. I might even splurge and do some stovetop popcorn.

The more junk I eat, the more I crave it. The opposite is also true. Today, I can honestly say I haven’t felt the pull to eat the junk. I’m not hungry, and if I get hungry, I have some good options. If I get munchy, I have some good options too.

Everyone has their own challenges. Smoking, drinking, drugs…I’m fortunate that none of those have ever been a struggle for me. Food has always been my Achilles heel. I’ve also been ashamed of it, so this is the first I’ve really “spoken” openly about it. At the same time, I feel there is value in sharing your story in letting others know they aren’t alone.

There will be seasons when I am better able to manage my cravings, and there will be seasons when I fail and eat all the junk. The faster I can maneuver out of the latter, the kinder I will be to my body and quicker I will get back to being at peace within my own skin. Just taking it a day at a time!

I am not a person that feels like any food should be off limits, but I also know when I need to put boundaries on myself. I will continue to deal with this struggle my whole life, but I’m grateful that I’ve finally found a way of eating that I can live with doing. I just know if I stop working, I’ll blink and have an extra hundred pounds on me.