That has to be one of the most frequently asked questions I have heard in my life.  I don’t say that to sound proud or boastful, but when you’ve literally gained and lost hundreds of pounds, it’s hard to know how to answer.  I’ve lost roughly 135 pounds since my highest weight.   I am roughly the weight I was when I got pregnant with my son about 3.5 years ago.  After having said child, I gained about 80 pounds, and painstakingly lost that amount again, and it’s taken about a year for me to get the last 15 pounds off.   In 2010, I lost about 70 pounds before getting married, regaining that and then some.  You get the picture, only this battle has been one I’ve fought since childhood.

I’m not really sure what has driven me to take time to write down some of my story, other than I hope that if someone is out there struggling, maybe my experiences can provide some encouragement.  This post will go several different directions, but my hope in this blog is to ultimately show how I find motivation and work through the challenges I face in balancing work/life/fitness/nutrition.

I was a fat kid.  (I hate the word fat for the record…) Large, curvy, big boned, no matter how you put it, weight has always been an issue in my life.  I was the kid on the playground who couldn’t cross the monkey bars, I was the only kid who had to re-run the mile, even though I had done the best I could and jogged most of it.

I remember Sweating to the Oldies with Richard Simmons at age 7. (I’m a pony! I’m a pony!)  I was the youngest kid in my mom’s Weight Watchers group at age 8.  I joined New Lady Fitness, Imagine Weight Loss, Curves, you name it, all while in junior high or high school.   Atkins, Cabbage Soup Diet, 21 day size down, Slim Fast, Nutrisystem, Exodus Weigh Down Workshop, calorie counting…you name it. It’s probably easier to name the things I haven’t tried than the ones I have.

I finally hit a point when I knew I needed to do something drastic in 2013.  My husband and I had been trying to get pregnant after moving back home, and I managed to gain about 50 pounds in 6 months without trying.  I hit a weight that genuinely scared me to get pregnant, and so I decided it was time to have weight loss surgery.  One of my best friends had the lapband and was incredibly successful, and that seemed to make the most sense to me, in that it did no permanent changes to my insides and could be adjusted.

After the first year, I had dropped about 130 pounds, averaging 10 pounds a month.  I took my eating seriously, and I was working out hard 6 days a week, hoping to avoid dealing with skin by losing so much weight.

Only a few months after we started trying to conceive again, my husband and I got pregnant.  Fast forward a year, I gained around 80 pounds both during pregnancy and postpartum, and it’s taken 2.5 years to finally get that off.

In the meantime, we had wanted to have children close together in age, but apparently that wasn’t God’s plan for us.  We tried for over a year and a half, and the internal struggle for me was knowing I wasn’t yet at the weight I was before having Elliot, and I couldn’t personally justify going to get any fertility help without first ruling that out as a factor.  I continually put pressure on myself, and I was devastated both to not get pregnant and because the scale refused to cooperate.

We ended up taking a break from trying to conceive after my husband decided to switch careers, but honestly it was the best thing for me mentally.  Now we know our children will be spaced out if we get pregnant again, and there’s no longer a timeline pressure we feel.

So here we are, getting ready to start trying again to have another baby.  I am in the best physical shape I’ve been since before the baby.  I’m working out 6 days a week, and while I’m not back to the level I was, I am getting stronger every day.

Motivation is a funny thing.  Sometimes you feel motivated, and you do things within that feeling.  Other times, the motivation just doesn’t come.  A few months ago, I hit that point.  Having attempted to lose weight for so much of my life, I was just tired of trying.  I knew I needed to take things to the next level, but I just couldn’t.

I finally made the decision to contact the gym that I am a member of and get connected with a trainer to do monthly measurements and weigh-ins.  The first time around, that proved to be a huge encouragement and motivator, and I’d hoped that to happen again.

I got paired with a great trainer who was willing to give me a few free sessions, and then I signed up for some paid workouts, and after getting back into the routine, I was set.

Inertia says that an object in motion stays in motion, and an object at rest stays at rest.  I have found this to be true in my fitness life.  When I am working out regularly, I want to be active.  I find ways to keep myself moving, I’m willing to wake up extra early to get my workouts in.  When at rest, or when I’m not regularly exercising, I find the same to be true.  I never want to move, I find excuses to skip workouts, and I generally feel like I bump on a log.

I am back to being an object in motion.  I didn’t know what direction this post would take when I started it, and I didn’t say half the things I had intended.  Yet I suppose that’s the point of a blog.  In some ways, this will be more of a journal for me, and if anyone chooses to read and finds something of value, it will bring me joy.  Feel free to ask any questions about my journey.  I have nothing to hide at this point, and while I once was incredibly shy about discussing my weight, I know it’s a part of my life and want to encourage others to be comfortable in their own skin.