Anyone alive out there? I have probably been one of the most inconsistent bloggers for the past year. I could blame busyness and other circumstances, but ultimately my lack of posting has largely been a result of the struggles I have been going through. I may repeat some things from previous posts, also putting me in the slacker blogger category, but I just have some things I wanted to share, as I’m sure I’m not the only one going through this.

I started this blog when I was in the best physical shape I’ve been even in…not since adulthood or high school, best shape period. I was the lowest weight I’ve been since I was in middle school. At the same time, I was struggling with the challenges of secondary infertility and the emotional baggage of feeling that being connected with my weight, putting extra pressure on myself to continue losing.

Fast forward. After 3 years of trying, I got pregnant and delivered my beautiful now almost 2-year-old girl. I did what I promised myself I wouldn’t, which was lose my mind and eat all the junk while pregnant, thus putting back on almost 80lbs. Baby was born at the very beginning of covid, and even once I was ready to go back to the gym and get active, no one had childcare. Having two small children at home left me struggling.

Fast forward again. I finally was able to join a gym, but given pandemic living, it has felt like every time I start getting a momentum, something pulls me out of it. Every time one of the kiddos got a sniffle, I had to stay home, and it was just too hard to get in my workouts.

I caught a stride, finally started losing. I was at about 30 pounds down from my post-pregnancy #2 weight. Then birthday/holidays/stress all happened, and I again managed to lose my mind for a couple months. Because I simply gain weight by looking at food, the scale jumped up a whopping 20 pounds. I have since knocked 10 of those off pretty quickly, am back to eating clean, and slowly trying to get active again.

I was almost too embarrassed to share this post, but in case there is anyone else out there who can relate, I wanted to put it out there. Some people struggle with those 5-10 pounds that they fluctuate between. Others of us have a bad month and gain 20 pounds. It’s hard. It sucks. And some days it makes you feel like what’s the point.

I’ve mentioned the importance of having a strong “why”, and I know that’s part of my struggle this time around. I’ve lost over 70 pounds 3 times now, the greatest amount in one stretch having been 142 pounds. So often, we look at the before and after photos of people and fail to realize the insurmountable struggles that took place between them. I myself am guilty of having stopped this blog, because in many ways I’ve felt like a failure.

I thought I would be able to share this amazing story of how I maintained my weight through pregnancy, or else how I lost the weight again after another baby. Instead, I’ve battled inner demons, struggled with failure, and have sunk back into a place where I am not happy to look in the mirror. I have often been in denial about how big of a crutch food has been for me, but I have felt in more in recent months than ever.

I’ve always said how hard it is having an addiction you literally can’t quit, or you die. Smoking, gambling, drinking, drugs…none of those are things that addicts can do in moderation. They have to be quit cold turkey. If you’re addicted to food, it’s not like you can just stop eating. You have to retrain your relationship with food. And just like anything, you can relapse again and again.

I am back on the road to health, working on my food choices and getting my body moving again. But it’s hard. It’s a daily struggle. Even right now, I wrestled with sitting down to write this blog verses getting in some fitness that I know I need, but because of continued sleep deprivation am having a hard time getting moving.

Per usual, I don’t write this for sympathy, compassion, or validation. I write because I want you to know the struggle is real, but we’re all still works in progress. I don’t get it right most of the time, but as of now, I’m trying to get back on track.

I signed up for another Dietbet on New Year’s Day, and I’m already on track to win should I not gain anything in the next 10 days. I’m back to my old faithful low-carbing…something I can’t do long term, but it’s easiest way to help me knock off the excess weight. Now that my son’s not doing virtual school, I can start hitting the gym more. One day at a time, one choice at a time.

If you made it reading this far, thank you for the support. Also know that none of us have it all together, and nothing we do is irreversible. We will all stumble and mess up, but as long as we keep moving forward, we’re winning this crazy game of life.

Recently, I’ve been going through a lot of major life changes (hence why it’s been a month since my last post). I left my job in mid-July with nothing on the horizon. Fast forward a month later, I have accepted two new super part-time positions that while less stressful, take up three of my evenings. I started making a monthly meal calendar earlier this year, and while I’ve slacked the last couple months, I know now it’s more important than ever. For those of you who don’t know, while I feed my own family, I also help feed my mom and 92-year-old grandmother every day. I know if we don’t have a sit-down meal with my grandma, chances are low she will eat dinner.

In order to shake things up to get through my both physical and mental plateau, I have gone back to my old faithful method for losing weight….low carbing. It’s not something I can live with long term, but I do well with the strict parameters and rules. Unlike counting calories and other methods, it requires a strict adherence with very little wiggle room. I know what foods I can have, and I know which foods…even just a bite…could throw my system off completely.

I will say having not done low carb in about a decade, it has gotten much easier with keto being the big craze right now. From cheese crisps to keto cookies, it’s so much easier than back in the day when pork rinds were my only way to get something crunchy and sugar-free jello for sweetness. The web is covered with low-carb recipes, which I went to last night to help form my menu for the next month.

With any eating lifestyle, planning is absolutely essential to success. The old mantra “failing to plan is planning to fail” holds totally true to this. I have no statistics for this, but I’d venture to say the reason most people are unsuccessful with following an eating program is lack of variety. When you need a snack or it’s time for dinner, if you haven’t thought through some creative ideas, you’ll fall back on what is quick and easy. For me, that’s generally lunch meat and cheese. It’s far from glamorous, and if I eat it too much, I will tire out quickly. With so many options now, eating healthy truly has never been easier. (Take this from someone who has been dieting off and on since age 9.)

The scale has started moving again, albeit slowly, and I am optimistic for success, as I have a solid plan for this month, along with plenty of high protein snacks to get through the day and through the cravings. Tonight, I turned down some amazing looking cookies and a bajillion options for chips, both of which are vices for me. There will always be more cookies, always be more chips, and just because I’m denying myself now doesn’t mean I won’t enjoy them at another time. After all, I will always be a work in progress.

Recently, I’ve undergone a pretty major life change. I left my job without a new one, without a real plan, for the first time since adulthood. I have peace about that decision, but I am still processing it.

I have wrestled with posting, feeling a bit like a hypocrite, saying one thing and doing another. As I have never claimed to be the role model or person who has it all together, I figured it time for me to be transparent with you all. I have been fighting some demons lately regarding my weight. I have been struggling with fitness, knowing it is so much harder to do what I want with this extra weight. I’m back to being active regularly, and that part feels good. However, I know as far as weight loss is concerned, 90% is food choices. I want to lose the weight, but I don’t know how much I really want it.

I tried to deny it for years, but food has been a crutch, a comfort, and an addiction for me. In the midst of life changes, it’s what I where I want to turn in order to help with the feelings. It’s subconscious more than intentional. Yet, here I am, standing again between what needs to be done and actually doing it. I am reminded of the scripture in Romans 7:15, “I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do, I do not do. But what I hate, I do. I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. I don’t really understand myself, for I want to do what is right, but I don’t do it. Instead, I do what I hate. For I do not understand my own actions.”

I want to make the right choices. I know what I need to do in order to lose the weight. I know eating those chips, that piece of candy, is going to hinder me. And yet, I make those choices. I keep experimenting with different eating strategies to help jump start my weight loss. This week, I have attempted intermittent fasting (16+8), but I don’t think it’s going to work with my workout routine being in the morning. I’m just too hungry and don’t have enough energy. And yet, fad diets, pills, none of them are going to get to the root of what causes me to make my choices.

I am not writing this post with advice or answers. I am trying to find them. Having lost over 100 pounds now multiple times in my life, I know I am capable. I have sustained about a 15-20 pound loss since my reboot in early April, but I have been at a mental block that is keeping me from moving forward. I know that I am in the middle of major life changes, and I am trying to be kind enough to myself. At the same time, I don’t want to make choices now that I will regret later.

I don’t know what has compelled you to read this. Maybe you’re my friend, and you’re reading in support. Maybe you are trying to find answers in your own wellness journey. I started this blog after having lost a significant amount of weight for the second time after my lapband surgery. I was at the lowest weight I’ve been in my entire adult life. Now that I’m in the journey again, I want to be transparent with my struggles. When you see someone who has lost weight, it’s easy to see their victories. What I see is the daily mountains they have overcome.

I am hoping a year down this journey, when I’m hopefully much closer to my goal, I can look back and find triumph in what I have conquered. You aren’t alone in this, and I know I am not either. Be kind to yourself, and I will do my best to do the same. Through good choices and bad, we are all still just a work in progress.

I mentioned a little while ago that I won a contest that earned me a free Zumba instructor training, as well as $200 worth of Zumba gear. Well, in case you wondered what that looked like, here it is! (Well, technically I paid $6 in shipping…)

My hubs and I went to a Zumbathon this past weekend at our gym. Much to my chagrin, the hosts thought it was a “nice day”, and thus decided to hold the event previously slated for the gym outside in the 85 degree heat. I’m not gonna lie, my attitude was far from stellar upon receiving this news. I’m not a fan of being out in the sun, let alone exercising in it. I ran back to the car, grabbed my sunscreen and sunglasses, and made the most of things. On the plus side, I managed to win another contest, and when given the choice, I chose this snazzy hat.

I realize neither of my previous two paragraphs are on point for the subject line of this post, but I promise I’ll get there. I’ve been experimenting with different types of fitness classes lately, and I’ve been attending group fitness classes since I was old enough to have a gym membership at New Lady Fitness. I’ve learned that fitness instructors come in all shapes, sizes, and skill levels.

Having attended fitness classes both as a couch potato and fitness enthusiast, I’ve learned the importance of demonstrating different levels. Someone brand new to fitness is going to be overwhelmed if all you’re doing is jumping, lunges, squats, etc. At the same time, if all you do is step touch and the same 4 moves for an entire 4 minute song, a more fit person will quickly grow bored and annoyed that you’re wasting her time.

Right now, as I contemplate taking serious the idea of being a Zumba instructor, I am paying close attention to the things I respect about great instructors, as well as the things that frustrate me as a student. One of the most important things for me when actually showing up for a class is that I want to work. If I am going to take an hour out of my day to dedicate to fitness, I want to feel like I’m doing something. This past Saturday, I was the crazy person adding jumps and skips while everyone was casually following the instructors lead. I was doing everything I could to get my heartrate up.

When taking a fitness class, part of the responsibility is on the instructor to give you a great workout. The other responsibility is on you, to follow his or her lead, and to push yourself. If showing up is all you can do some days, awesome. But if you’re feeling good, it is up to you to take your body further than is comfortable. Deepen that squat, lift a little heavier, jump a little higher. Whatever it means to you, make the most of your time. This same concept applies to your regular workouts. Ultimately, you are the only one who can push yourself. Even the best personal trainer and best instructor cannot do the work for you. Showing up is the hard part. Once you’re there, there is no reason to not make the most of it. Find one way to take your workout to the next level, even if only for a short bit, and as Nike says, just do it. After all, we are all works in progress.

Last weekend, I was asked to go to a small town in eastern Illinois (Olney) to play for a church revival. I have had a lot of craziness happening in my life, and I jumped at the opportunity to have a couple days of “me time”. I stayed in a hotel, and other than the two evening services, I had no other obligations. It was the first time since long before the baby was born that I truly had to myself, with no guilt of needing to be cleaning or working in my down time. I neither had to set an alarm in the morning, nor expect to be woken up before the alarm by either of the kiddos. It was glorious. (Well, minus the neighbor who had a heated phone conversation from 1:30-4am…)

I knew the hotel didn’t have a fitness center, so I pulled out my old friend the Nintendo Switch and turned on RingFit. After waking up, I worked out for a half hour or so, took a shower, and just relaxed. It was a wild experience, having no set schedule for an entire day, no commitments, no one to take care of but myself. It’s something I’ve desired for a long time, just a short reprieve from all the things pulling me so many different directions, having time to just be in my own head.

I took some time in the afternoon to get a pedicure, where I met a couple delightful women. Both had clearly endured a lot, but they had such amazing outlooks on life. When I told the one about my “mom-cation”, she said how crucial that was for parents to do, both alone and as couples. She had significant health issues when her children were babies, and she said she never regretted the time she took to convalesce alone, because she knew it ultimately gave her the strength she needed to be a better mom. She knew that in order to pour out into others, some times you need to take care of yourself.

Why is it so hard for us to take time for ourselves? Sometimes, it’s a matter of asking for help or if you don’t have someone to ask, hiring it done. I think we feel guilty or indulgent when we do things just because, and yet, it’s true that we can’t wear all the hats we’re given if we don’t make sure we’re whole.

I think that’s part of why we struggle so much with fitness. It’s a time that we specifically focus on improving our body. While there are ways to be productive while being active (yardwork, household chores, etc.), it is equally productive to take time lifting weights or catching a yoga class. Sure, you can google all the physiological benefits of exercise, but ultimately it makes us feel better, and it helps our mental acuity. Working out is often the first thing to be scrapped on a busy day, but I’ve found that starting the day with activity tends to make the rest of the day go so much better.

It’s so important you take time for you, whatever that looks like. Even if it’s waking up an extra 15 minutes early to go on a quick walk or watch a youtube video workout, paying a babysitter to get a massage, or ignoring the mess in your house to write a blog post, find a way this week to take care of yourself. I promise, you won’t regret it. After all, we’re all a work in progress.

Fitness is something that has never come second nature to me. I hated PE as a kid…I absolutely loathed it. As a perfectionist, it was one thing I was not good at, and being an overweight kid, I struggled with exercise. It was the only class I’d get a B in, and it killed me. I’ll never forget the time I had to run the mile, and because I didn’t complete it in the required amount of time, the instructor made me do it again…by myself. So many wounds, so much embarrassment surrounded fitness.

I’ve attempted to become active several times throughout my life, but it almost always came begrudgingly. It’s only been in the past 7 years or so that I have both taken it seriously and actually grown to love it. While I have exercised off and on much of my adult life, it was after my lapband surgery that I started taking it seriously. I knew statistically, I would likely lose weight fairly rapidly. When you have an extreme amount of weight to lose, excess skin can become a real issue. The best way to combat that is both through staying super hydrated, as well as building muscle mass. Given I really did not want to deal with another surgery to remove skin, I started going to the gym 6 days a week. I fell in love with lifting weights. I found Zumba classes to get my cardio, and I attended yoga to help stretch it all back out.

The most important thing to me was both having routines, as well as having ways to break from those routines to keep from getting burned out. I created a rotation of exercises that was predictable but varied, keeping me from getting bored. I tried several different classes, finding what I both liked and didn’t like.

I’ll tell you straight up, I am not a fan of HIIT. While I appreciate the aspect of ending a class feeling like you’ve done something, it just isn’t my jam. I don’t like exercising in a way that makes me feel like I’m going to die (hence why I left a spin class early a couple days ago…). Running is another thing I like in concept, but even at my most fit, I still couldn’t get past the cold feeling in my chest of not being able to breathe.

My biggest piece of advice to someone either starting fitness for the first time or getting back into it is try everything. Play tennis, go on walks, take a martial arts class. It doesn’t matter what it is. And if you have tried everything possible and still can’t find something you like, choose the thing you hate the least, grab an accountability partner, and put it on your calendar 3 times a week. While I like aspects of working out alone, having others around definitely makes the time pass more quickly.

Getting started is the hardest part. Working through the soreness is the next hardest part. But once you can find something you enjoy, put it on your calendar, and make it a routine, you’ll start reaping the benefits. You start feeling better, you gain confidence, and you’re more likely to find ways to keep yourself active in your daily life. You’ll take that further parking spot, take the stairs instead of the elevator, and often sleep better.

I’ve had plenty of times when the busyness of life has kept me from taking the time to take care of myself. After two weeks of going to the gym daily, I already feel much better in my own skin. I’m starting to feel like “me” again. I’m regaining some of the sanity I’ve lost through having two small children during covid with no time to myself. I know it’s not easy getting started, and it’s not easy trying new things. At the same time, just remember what do you have to lose, and instead what can be gained. After all, we’re all just a work in progress.

Today marks day three of returning to the gym. After learning my regular gym was still restricting ages for childcare, I joined a different area one that allows up to two hours of childcare a day. Both to give me some sanity & wellness breaks, as well as to give my 5-year-old some much needed structure, we are making a routine of going every day.

I’m still deciding what my routine will look like. I’m leaning towards 3 days strength training, 1 day cardio, and 1 day yoga. The main thing for me when going to the gym is knowing my objective, or else I’ll wander around aimlessly.

I’m attempting a little different strategy than I have in the past, doing targeted workouts on each of my strength days. So on Monday, I did back and biceps. On Tuesday, I did chest and triceps. Friday, I’ll do shoulders, traps, and forearms. I’ll work some leg and ab work into each day. In the past, I did a full body workout every day, changing up which exercises I did. We’ll see how I like it this way instead!

As for yoga today, I could tell it’s been years since I’ve practiced. My balance was the worst it has ever been. My flexibility is almost nonexistent. Regardless, the teacher was great at encouraging everyone to take things at their own level, making it clear there was no wrong way.

I’m still working through some of the mental obstacles of getting back to fitness after regaining weight for the umpteenth time. Staring at the fumbling body in the mirror attempting simple yoga poses, adjusting the weight machine to something much lighter than I’d previously lifted, getting winded after a few minutes on the elliptical. The beauty of the struggles I had losing weight after having Elliot is that this time I am less discouraged, knowing in time I will get stronger, the weight will come off again. I am working to respect my body where it currently is, trying not to talk myself down but to see the good.

Since my last post, I’ve been in a bit of a holding pattern, not losing but not gaining. Not eating perfectly but not self-sabotaging either. It’s time to move forward again. Life’s too short and there’s much to be gained by getting healthier. I’ll do my best to keep you all posted of my progress, and in turn, I hope you’ll let me know you’re here with me. It’s always easier to move forward when you have others walking alongside you. After all, we’re all just works in progress.

About a month ago, I mentioned starting a “DietBet” in order to give me the added motivation of losing weight. The way that it works, you join a game for $25 or $35, betting that you can lose 4% of your body weight in 4 weeks. If you win, you are guaranteed that much, along with splitting the pot with the rest of the winners (minus DietBet’s 20% cut). I completed three games, wagering $95 that I could do it. In the end, I walked away with $120.49, making my total winnings $25.49. Not a huge profit, but more than if I hadn’t competed!

When you have a lot of weight to lose, it can be discouraging going week to week, month to month, without seeing a big difference in the mirror or in your clothes. I’ve learned that the bigger you are, often the longer it takes to lose a pant or shirt size. At the same time, pictures are what always seem to help me the most in maintaining motivation.

After having my weightloss surgery, I had my husband take pictures of me every month, documenting my progress. I tried to wear form-fitted clothing, as it’s easy to hide in the looser clothes. Each month, I would pop the pictures in my PicCollage app, comparing them side by side, and then I would compare to my starting photos. I know it sounds vain, but I can’t tell you how much time I spent doing this, as well as what it did for my motivation.

I recently saw a post in one of my fitness groups of a girl’s before and after photos. She indicated that the scale only moved 4 pounds, but there was a dramatic difference in her physique. My weight can fluctuate 4 pounds in a couple of days, or even from the evening to the morning. The scale is simply not the best tool of measuring weight loss and progress.

I also used to loathe seeing pictures of myself after gaining weight, feeling ashamed. I’d avoid being included in photos, or at least photos showing my body, due to that shame. As a result, I don’t have many pictures of me with my son when he was little.

As hard as it is, I am slowly learning to love the pictures of all of my different sizes, seeing past the scale. I had some amazing experiences when I weighed over 300 pounds, and I had amazing experiences at my lowest weight. The time in my life that I have weighed the least is such a small percentage, that if those were the only pictures I shared or treasured, I’d miss out on memories for the other 99% of my time.

If you find yourself loathing having your picture taken because of that extra weight you put on from Covid, childbirth, or just life, try taking a step back. We only have so much time in each phase of our lives, and the joy of having cameras on our phones gives us the opportunities to look back and remember them. Photos help trigger those memories in a way few other things can, and those memories should bring you joy.

Just remember, life is an amazing journey, whether you weigh 135 pounds or 335 pounds. After all, we are all just works in progress.

Such a large percentage of my life has been spent attempting to lose weight. I remember going to Weight Watchers meetings with my mom when I was 9 or 10 years old. I remember being the youngest person fitness classes at New Lady Fitness in middle school. I remember being in high school, going to Imagine Weight Loss, a center that coupled diet and exercise. I remember trying Slim Fast in college to counteract the Freshman 50 (not 15…). And then several times as an adult, I have gone through the same cycle of attempting to lose, only to regain. So many times, so many diets, so many nights lying awake thinking of what life would be to be thin.

Today, I had this picture pop up in my Facebook memories. It’s from 7 years ago, which would’ve been a month and a half after my weightloss surgery. Prior to surgery, David and I had started to try to get pregnant for about 6 months. At that point, I hit the highest weight I had ever been, and I was actually scared of how big I would get should we have been successful in getting pregnant. Getting to a healthier weight was my number one motivation for surgery. I had a close friend have the lapband done a few years prior, and she had been very successful with it. I was ready to make the shift for my unborn children.

I know a lot of people assume if you’re extremely overweight, you’re unhappy in life. Prior to surgery, I was unhappy about my weight, but I was living a fulfilled life. I was happily married, working at a job I loved, back living close to family. I won’t be someone to claim the majority of my years spent as an obese person have been less gratifying than those spent at a healthier weight. At the same time, my “why” for losing the weight has fluctuated.

I was your posterchild for weightloss surgery that first year. I lost 130 pounds in a year, worked out 6 days a week, and I was in the best shape of my life. Then it happened…my whole reason for the surgery. After only a couple months of trying to conceive, we got pregnant with Elliot. And then I lost my mind. For the first time in my life, I could eat whatever I wanted, and the scale didn’t move. Problem was, I kept eating that way until he was born, and then after a really hard first couple months, I gained even more weight.

After he turned 6 months or so, I started trying to lose weight again, with the desire of having baby number two, but the weight was being much more stubborn this time around. I was not one of those moms who could breastfeed the weight away, and with sleep deprivation and struggles to find time and energy to exercise, the weight remained stubbornly on.

After over a year, I finally went back to my bariatric surgeon for an adjustment to my band, was also put on phentermine for a short while, and back on the downward slope I was. My “why” continued to be to lose in order to get pregnant again, though the pains of secondary infertility left me not only struggling to lose the weight, but also feeling responsible for the infertility because of my weight, thus putting extra pressure on myself.

It finally happened, after almost 3 years of trying to conceive and lose weight. I reached the lowest weight I’ve ever been (at least since middle school), but I still wasn’t getting pregnant. We finally went to a fertility clinic, and no joke, the last period I had was with an ultrasound, getting assessed for our issues, only to get pregnant that month.

Yet again, I lost my mind when I got pregnant, throwing out all of my good food choices. Unlike Elliot’s pregnancy, I felt terrible for a good portion of it, so I also fell out of my workout routine. I’d promised myself I wouldn’t make the same poor choices if I got pregnant again…well, that promise stood broken.

That brings us to now. As it stands, my heart doesn’t have the strength to want to try to conceive again. I think we are content with being a family of 4 at this point, and so my “why” has had to change for the first time in over 7 years. For so long, my “why” has been to get to a weight to where I felt safe getting pregnant. Since that is no longer my desire at this point, I’ve been struggling to pinpoint what my “why” should be.

I’ve mentioned it in some other posts, but truly my biggest “why” is still centered around the two precious ones I was blessed to have come from my body. I remember how it feels to be an active person, and I have missed it. For the first time, I have felt sluggish from the extra weight, and I want to be active with these guys. In some ways I’m doing it for them, but I’m also doing it for me. I could be a mom who sits on the bench watching her kids play, but I want to be out there running around with them. I have an adventurous spirit, so I want to be climbing the rocks with them.

I’ve been hesitant to go down the slide at the park since my regain. Before, I’d go down with Elliot all the time. Well, I finally decided enough was enough, and I was going to try to go down with Margaret, even if I got stuck! It just so happened, a random lady saw what I was getting ready to do and took a picture and texted it to me. (I know…a tad weird, but I’m still grateful!) It was a snug fit no doubt, but she loved it, and I’m going to keep pushing myself to be active in these guys’ lives.

Every time I choose a salad over French fries, a piece of fruit over candy, I remember this journey isn’t about making one big decision, but rather several little decisions over the course of each day. It’s choosing health, choosing to park a little further away to get more steps, it’s choosing to exercise when every part of my body wants to curl up on the couch.

Time will show if my current “why” is enough to keep me motivated and going, or if I’ll need to take it deeper. In some ways, getting back to health and fitness is flipping a switch in my brain. It feels good being back in the zone, and I look forward to seeing how far this journey takes me.

I know I’ve slowed down on the blog front, so I thought I’d take a moment to give a status report since my relaunch a little less than 3 weeks ago. Depending on the time of day, I am down around 12-13 pounds from when I started. I know that seems like a lot, and I’m not ungrateful for it. A big chunk of that is what I gained over the holidays. I made some fairly drastic changes to my diet and exercise, and knowing my body, the weightloss will slow down soon enough.

For those of you keeping tabs, I started taking phentermine at the beginning of this. I was still nursing the baby 2-3 times a day, though I would wait until after feeding her to take it in order to be safe. At the same time, she started acting crabbier than usual, which I wasn’t sure if it was other factors or the medication, so I weaned back off of it after 12 days or so. Thankfully, that was enough time for my lapband to start doing its thing, and my hunger level hasn’t been quite as high as it was before my reboot.

I’ve been fairly predictable and strict with my eating, though I am not calling this a diet. I still “can” eat whatever I want. At the same time, I know this is how I am most successful when in a losing pattern. Here’s what my day looks like right now.

• Breakfast: Spinach/mushroom/onion/cheese 2-egg omelet
• Morning Snacks: Banana, Oats & Honey Crunchy Granola Bars
• Lunch: Typically leftovers from another day’s dinner
• Afternoon Snacks: (varies) Fruit, veggies, hummus, salad, if extra hungry another granola bar, sugar free fudge pop, string cheese
• Dinner: Lately it’s been mainly chicken focused, though we will do 80% ground beef and other meats. Generally Weight Watchers driven choices – green beans, corn, potatoes, cauliflower rice, beans. Minimal pastas and grains, though not completely eliminated. We keep trying to be creative with our dinners, so as not to get bored or burned out
• After Dinner Snack: Aldi Brand- Elevation Brand Caramel Nut Chocolate Bar, occasionally other snacks above if still hungry

As a whole, I am not good at tracking my foods. I am not good at measuring. I’m not good at counting calories. I function best following certain parameters, and when weight loss stalls, I know I need to pivot or change strategies. Since I’m being strict for now, I completely cut out most simple sugars/chips/junk/etc., as those are a slippery slope for me.

Having healthy snack options on hand is the number one most important thing to me when trying to lose weight. It’s those random urges to eat, which I’ll take a moment to pause and determine if I’m actually hungry or just bored. I then will go to the arsenal, determine how much time/effort I want to put into that snack, and go from there. The other day, I heated up some green beans and mushrooms for a snack to keep me from making poor choices. Not conventional, but it did the job.

So, there you have it! “Results are not typical” is definitely my situation right now. When you have a lot of weight to lose and are eating like garbage, making major changes to diet and exercise can result in rapid weight loss. At the same time, I know it will slow down. For now, I will enjoy the ride!